They are completely different people around different people. They're chameleons. They think they are evolving, but they are only becoming this or that way because they've subconsciously conformed to the people they're around most, presently. Most are continuously trying to tweak themselves to make themselves appear more acceptable, when you're already fine the way you are. "Your presence dominates the judgements made on you".
It's interesting to realize, most everything we do is based on hope or trust. Some form of that. Get up, hope the day will be good, get in the car, hope it'll start, eat food, trust the person who made it didn't poison it or something.. lol. Go to the doctor, hope they can help you, and trust the medication they prescribe. Trust advice you ask for. Hope someone will find meaning in something you write.
And no matter what you do now, or listen to now, or say now, I've found, you always go back to your roots, in some way or another.
Recently, I've been playing guitar more than I have in the past year or so.. and I've been listening to music I used to listen to when I was a little kid. And I've always really found the most joy and comfort in it (the exception being AIC, even though I did discover them quite a ways back). It's just interesting that all this other stuff I started liking after that point, kind of blurred. You forget it, somewhat. But you always remember the first bands and kind of music you listened to.
When I play guitar, it's not like some heavy riffs and stuff that I do like listening to now. lol. It's the acoustic, folkish, light stuff that I listened to as a kid. My sister plays the same way, because we grew up on the same music. Christian music. Jars of Clay (along with DC Talk) was pretty much the first music I remember loving, and it's (they're) still one of my favorite bands. And Coldplay- I listened to them alot as a kid in elementary school. 60's and 70's stuff my dad and mom loved that I listened to all the time, like James Taylor, Carole King, Chicago, Led Zep, Joni Mitchell. You don't forget that kinda music. Yesterday, I listened to "Fire and Rain" for the first time in about a year or two. And do you want to know what happened? I cried. Not to get all sappy, but man, I cried. After I lost these extremely special people in my life between the time I heard that song, and heard it again, it healed me in a way. That kind of stuff still gets me the most, really. When I get down or something, there are 2 bands I usually listen to and can depend on. AIC and Jars of Clay. 2 COMPLETELY different bands, but they both are really more similar to me than I thought before.
We're all just a bunch of scared and awkward kids, who wanna have fun, who love people and things that makes us happy, and want to be loved.. in bigger, more matured bodies. I will still be the kid I was when I'm 80 years old and asking my own grandkids to help grandma as I fall over. (lol). It seems like no one wants to become old. Honestly, I'm excited to get older. I can say to my family, "I've gone through this" and "I've gone through that", or "I was there when that happened".. and maybe if I'm lucky, they'll draw some kind of hope or inspiration from it.
Life is a gift. Sometimes you forget that it is, because you're so easily drawn into your own pain and pity, but it's a gift and you cannot take it for granted. That's losing the entire point. I'm just sitting here, thinking about my life, and how bad some things got, and how I somehow got through them, or why I did. You know, Mrs. Philisophical kind of stuff. And then I click on something, and it says, "So-and-so (around my age) is dying" or "Jenny has a brain tumor" or "I lost my mom" or "My dad died", and God, it hits me. And I see the bigger picture. They are all awful things, but they are all there for a reason. And not to get all religious or anything (even though, honestly, that shouldn't matter), if God created a world without loss, there would be no compassion.
Gifts are so interesting to me. Some people... have the most amazing gifts. Musical gifts, gifts with writing and communicating and hitting someone right through the gut, and leaving you, wondering, "How did they know that about me?" Of persuading people in positive ways, or of just reaching out to people and helping them, in a way other people couldn't. Painting words, painting people so realistically, you can feel them there; drawing concepts. Making a home a beautiful place to be, to make you never want to leave your home. And when you see those kinds of people, you're like.. "What's my gift?" You're so in awe of these people, that you don't realize you have an amazing gift as well. And how important it is to develop whatever that might be.
You might be affecting millions of people without even realizing it. A chain reaction. And maybe through such minor ideas or actions, maybe completely unlike the people that put you in shock and awe. Perhaps this loss, perhaps what you think is your biggest flaw, is a gift to you, and a gift to someone else. They see something you may not see in your lifetime, because we're just built that way. And they in turn, might act on it in a great way.
Be your own person. Allow people to affect you. But please don't let them change your essence.
And if you can- by all means-
Be excited about life.
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